rytaru

The word of the day is:  ASSUMPTION

Nabbed from seeker2 


1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yes

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Any and all.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Middle

4. Pork, beef, or chicken?
Chicken

5. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
No

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No

7. Shower or bath?
Shower.

8. Do you pee in the shower?
Sometimes

9. Mexican or Chinese?
Chinese

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive most of the time.

11. Do you love someone on your friend list?
I love most of the people on my friend list.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
I know most in person and others from online.

13. Love or money?
Love

14. Credit cards or cash?
I use a debit card.  I'm not too keen on credit cards.

15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
Yes.  Extended family.

16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Camping

17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Car dealership bathroom

18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
Yes.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes. In 'Fayetnam'

20. Ever been to a bar?
Yes.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Nope

22. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
Nope

23. Kissed someone of the same sex?
Of course.

24. Favorite drink?
Lemonade.  (The beverage made with lemons.  Not what any of you gutter minded folk might think of.)

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
No

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
see also question 17.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
No.

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
No

30. Have you been caught having sex?
No

31. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Yes.

32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Probably a lot of you.

The word of the day is: VIGOROUSLY

Created by Recipe Star

I did for the past week. The feeling started when I got back from seeing J at the beginning of this month. I felt like something had changed and I wasn't sure what. My mind began to ask itself "Why?" and a scenario of debating back and forth with myself started as to why I was feeling the way I did. I guess in order to know what I'm talking about, I should tell you how I was feeling. It was like I wasn't feeling anything. Not like a numb feeling, but just the absence of something that used to be there.

Of course, me being the paranoid person I am began to question why I felt this way. My mind raced with thoughts of worst case scenarios. "Had my feelings changed for him?" The thought began to make me nauseous and I began to feel a lot of stress as my mind kept running with thoughts. Now, I don't do well with stress, and I knew this. The bad thing about that is my mind's default setting for stress is to flee from it, so the thought popping through my head was "You can break up with him." However, as soon as I thought that, another side of me mentally beat the shit out of me and basically yelled into my face "You're not going to do that, you son of a bitch! You love him!" Through the entire ordeal, I never once thought that I didn't love him, so I tried to just not think about it and perhaps sleep on it to help sort things out. I felt a bit better, but the tightness in the middle of my chest was still there. I nearly cried myself to sleep the other night praying not to feel this way. I was confused and just wanted to see him.

I breathed in and out for a while until I got some composure back and fell asleep. Yesterday, I was doing ok and feeling marginally better, but the tightness was still there as a reminder that something was wrong. I drove down to my parents to have dinner with them for my father's birthday, and I called J on the way to talk to him. It was during that conversation that the tightness in my chest disappeared, and then it hit me like a sledge hammer. I miss him...I miss him so much. Why didn't I see it before? I've grown so attached to him that the distance was the cause of it. Just hearing his voice made the stress and pain melt away. After that conversation, I nearly jumped with joy because I had found the answer to the "Why?" my mind had been asking the entire time. I love him and miss him.

This may have been obvious for others, but this is the longest relationship I have ever had to date. It's also the only long distance relationship I've ever had, so I'm discovering many things because of these two factors. I also plan on talking to J about this, but I want to wait until I see him again which is less than 2 months away. I suppose this would have been easier to go through had I talked to someone about it, and I even told my self to talk to my roommate and friend, the bee, about it. However, she had been going through 15 other things, and I don't think she needed me adding to that with this though she may not have minded. Oh well. I suppose she'll find out about it when she reads this.

For now, I feel much better and continue to miss J. I can't wait to see him again.

I got back from my trip to Massachusetts to see J for the week.  It was much fun overall.  I do have to admit that I felt a bit dreary the first couple of days, but I attribute that to the fact of the nasty weather and J's sparsely decorated/furnished apartment.  I know why it is the way it is, and I understand it.  I will convince him to get a few more things though to at least make it look like a hobo doesn't live there (hehehe love you baby).

I cooked him dinner and breakfast a few nights out of the week, and mostly we just hung around his apartment during the beginning of the week which was fine with me.  I didn't expect anything spectacular to happen as far as events when I went up there.  I just wanted to be with him, and that's exactly what I did.  The end of the week was more eventful with monopoly and scrabble games with J and his friends.  We also ate out a couple nights and saw the Watchmen on Friday.  Saturday was spent in Boston going through the museum of science and then dinner.

Today was slow and quiet.  J and I woke up, ate breakfast and then spent the rest of the time cuddling on the sofa watching a movie before playing some mario kart until I had to leave for my flight.  I wished I could have stayed longer or somehow brought him back with me because I miss him already.  While I think back on it, we didn't do that much out of the ordinary.  In fact, we did much that a normal couple would do, but that's the problem.  I want to be able to do those normal things without having to get on a plane each time.  I'm not sure when, but sometime in the future that will happen.  I can't wait for it.

As for right now, I'm settling back into my new apartment while installing Warhammer Online which I got a huge discount on thanks to Circuit City going out of business.

So, I just got my Valentine's card from J.  It came in the mail on V-day, but I wasn't able to pick it up until today because my mail still goes to my parent's house.

J hasn't gotten my card yet, but it should be in his mailbox today when he gets home.  His mail is still forwarded, so it might take slightly longer.  It was kinda funny though that'd we would both get our cards 3 days after V-day.

Anyway, the fact that I got the card was not what I wanted to say on here, but rather the contents of it.  This card is the best card I've ever received and the only thing it is was the words that J had written inside.  Money or gift cards pale in comparison to how it made me feel to read.

To sum up, I love him so much and am very lucky to have found him.  Two weeks can't go buy fast enough so I can see him again.

www.mrpicassohead.com/create.html

( Photos here... )

So...the past month has been fun for a couple of reasons.  I graduated from NCSU with my BA in psychology.  Yay!  Now to find a job. >.>

I also got to see my boyfriend for an entire week which was great!  I miss him now that he had to go back home, but it wont be long until I see him again.  I have tickets to go see him during spring break of this year when there is a break in work.  I love him and can't wait to see him again.

My sister was finally kicked out of my parent's house for good, and I think eventually her son will be going with her.  The details with the situation are sketchy because I fail to care or put effort into what happens with her.  Basically, I only care if she's alive or not because it seems that whenever I hear anything about her, I later hear something disappointing.

2008 has come and gone...

Regrets: none

Resolutions for '09: Find a full-time job and become completely out on my own.

The word of the day is: COMPUTATIONAL

So, there is a free expression tunnel at my university where students can go to spray paint graffiti and such.  Apparently 4 students painted some derogatory comments about President-elect Obama the day after he was elected, and now there is an entire media storm about it coming to the point where the student senate has passed a bill as a result of this concerning what would happen with the 4 students.

While I don't agree with what they did, they were committing no crime.  Apparently, the free expression tunnel is only free when no one gets offended by what's on the walls.  Oh wait that's not it either because I've seen anti-gay phrases written on that wall, and it got no attention.  They can't pick and choose when something offensive should be dealt with or not, and neither should they censor a tunnel when it was created for free expression.  It's a contradiction in terms.  They either need to allow FREE expression or they need to get rid of the tunnel all together.

I was kinda under the impression that the little thing called the constitution with the first amendment superceded any state or state agency policy, but hey, what do I know?  There are some people who think that HOA policies supercede all things and are "iron-clad."

So...yeah... so much for free expression.

"if there is a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment, it is that government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea offensive or disagreeable."  ~ Justice William J. Brennan, Jr.

How does someone obtain a job requiring experience in that job?  If you need experience to get an entry-level job, how does anyone ever get a job?

This is very circular to me.  It's like me telling someone, "You must have experience playing [insert game here] before you can begin playing [insert same game name]." 

I don't get it.

I've just been informed that my grandfather has finally passed.  I was hoping that he would make it long enough to know I had graduated, but he couldn't.  I'm unsure of the details yet, but it is probably a combination of kidney failure and not eating very much.

Wherever he has gone, I hope he is happy now, and I hope can see me.  Goodbye Grandpa.

I feel somewhat better.  I think I know why I was feeling the way I was.  There was this overwhelming feeling of helplessness.  For some reason, a part of me felt like I was losing him, and I don't want that to happen.  I have also begun realizing that my feelings for him go deeper than I thought they were. 

I've talked to him again and told him all of this.  He is even more apologetic, and he has told me that he is angry with himself and doesn't like making me sad.  I feel better now, but all that I can do is wait for December when he comes to see me.  I can't wait to have him in my arms again.

but it hurts more than I thought it would.  There is an ache deep in my chest that makes it hard to breath.  I've already worked things out with him, but it still hurts.  I find myself wanting to cry and then telling myself a few minutes later that it's not that bad, as if the relationship we're in isn't as valuable as others mainly because of distance.  I know I shouldn't think that way, but I'm not sure how to think of it having never done this kind of thing before. 

After a handful of phone conversations and even more tears, we have worked it out, and I've told him how I feel.  He's blaming himself mostly, but I think he blames himself too much.  I've been in his position before and know one reason it went as far as it did.  The other party, however, knew of our relationship, yet he went through with it anyway.  No, he doesn't bear most of the blame.  Don't misunderstand, he still is to blame, but this other person who I also considered my friend bears the brunt of it, and I feel much anger directed at him.

I still wish this ache would go away. 

All I really want is to see him right now. 

Happy belated birthday to one of my best friends in the world, ncsubear76 .  I'm sorry I missed you last night at dinner.  *hugs*

So, they're moving my grandfather to a nursing home.  He's been in a lot of pain, and he's taking medication for it so most of the time he sleeps now.  He has refused dialysis for his kidneys, and he isn't eating much.  If it gets to the point that they suggest a feeding tube, my grandfather is going to refuse it.  At that point, they'll move him to a hospice and be made as comfortable as possible. 

My grandfather is in the hospital again, and this time he will probably be there until the end.  My mother is already making plans to fly down to MS to be with him in the next couple of days.  Me and my father will follow when we get the call.  This sucks. :(